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*3

"But I’m not gonna say “dammit,” I’m gonna say “shit.”"

Ms. Mozer

*2

"I have a feeling that you guys are very very weak."

Nasrullah Aziz

*3

"Shut your stoma. It’s already too humid in Mobile."

Mr. Dolbeare

*2

"Whoops! Whoops! Whoops! You almost killed it!"

Albert Lilly, when talking about a dropped pencil.

*2

"Altos! You need to be more sexy!"

Martha Mozer

*1

"It was a steamy and sweaty fruit orgy."

*3

"If we didn’t have morals, life would be one murderous orgy."

Dr. Dodworth

*2

"If I ever see those stupid terrorists, I’m going to kick them in the nuts."

Mr. Dolbeare

"Lay on this table like Jabba the Hutt and connect a chain to Dylan’s neck."

Robertson

*11

"Happiest hour would be free food, tater tots, and girls in bikinis."

Barry McPhail, in response to Taco Bell’s “happier hour”

*3

"If it makes you uncomfortable, that’s good."

Dr. Goodman, in regards to the grading scale (that doesn’t really exist?)

*1

"Sitting on the toilet actually makes me feel better."

*6

"There are three things that will always exist in life: taxes, death, and sand in your sandwiches at the beach."

Dr. Goodman 

*2

"Are old people supposed to be horny?"

Dr. Goodman

*4

"Now, if you want a chance to be a smart-ass, next time people say that it is a weight loss program, say ‘no, it is a mass loss program.’"

Dr. Gapud